


Feel Something

by Starchildhq



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Anal Sex, Bear is a homophobe, Body Image, Bottom Robert Sugden, Chapter 9 begins with smut, F/F, F/M, Hospitals, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Mpreg, Postpartum Depression, Pregnancy Kink, Pregnant Sex, Protective Aaron, Smut, death mention, natural birth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-01-04 20:15:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18350927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starchildhq/pseuds/Starchildhq
Summary: After Rebecca's secrets break Robert and Aaron's hearts, could a miracle finally be in their grasp, or will they be hit with yet another tragic blow?





	1. Acquaintance

_“I've been leaving my heart in all the wrong places._  
_Took it back way too soon when I should've been patient._  
_I built all these walls so no one could break in._  
_Truth is I miss those nights when my heart could be naked.”_

Nothing had been the same since the bombshell landed on Robert’s doorstep. 5 months had passed since then and still, he was far from the man he used to be. 5 months had passed since Ross and Rebecca had left the village; since Robert was forced to give up his little boy after the truth finally being revealed that he wasn’t really his. Sebastian was Ross’s biological son and Rebecca had known the entire time- of course, due to her head injury, she could no longer remember, but as she packed up her belongings before leaving Emmerdale, she found the envelope which contained the dreaded letter containing the truth. And Robert wasn’t angry, because he knew it wasn’t her fault that it had gone on for so long, but he was hurt by the lies, hurt that the wholeness in his heart was suddenly being ripped away from him and there was nothing he could do about it. Aaron was devastated too, after fighting with himself for so long to see the little boy as his own rather than Robert’s drunken mistake, he too had lost part of his heart that had filled a void he always denied himself from feeling. 

Everyone that had bonded with Sebastian was devastated to lose him, but none of their pain compared to Robert’s; even Paddy and Chas were unable to give advice to either man because while yes, they had lost a child of their own, that loss was something completely different to Robert. Nobody knew what to say or what to do that could help, so instead, they were left watching the older male divulge in a terrifying downward spiral as well as helping Aaron and Liv pick the pieces up along the way. 

* * *

“Right, is he having a laugh? He’s been in the bathroom for nearly forty minutes!” Liv whined as she rushed down the spiral staircase behind her older brother, Aaron simply just rolling his eyes as he walked over to the kitchen; looking back at his little sister and sighing as he scowled at him. “Look, I know you’ve got college and stuff, but he was ropey throughout the night with stomach cramps or something… I think he might be coming down with a stomach virus...” He explained, the teen nodding in understanding as she walked over to the table and sat down, “he’s been off for ages, he needs to go to a doctor, Aaron. You’re too soft with him.” Liv stated, grinning slightly by the look Aaron gave her; the look he only reserved for her when he was somewhat upset by her honesty, but at the same time, he knew she was right. 

“I’ll go up to him and make sure he’s alright, now eat your toast and then come back up, I’ll have him out of the bathroom by then,” Aaron explained, Liv nodding in response while showing the older male a smile in a silent thank you. “Robert? Robert, are you alright?” Aaron called as he made his way up the spiral staircase, walking over to the bathroom door and knocking gently, frowning when there was no response, before furrowing his eyebrows together in confusion as he heard what he believed to be his husband sniffling- was he crying? “Right, if you don’t open the door, I’m gonna kick it in.” The brunette warned, a sigh of relief escaping past his lips as the door unlocked and opened, but the look that met him was something that would be etched in his mind for an incredibly long time. 

The colour had drained from Robert’s face, his eyes puffy and bloodshot as tears streamed down his cheeks; the agonizing look or pure terror in his eyes. “I- I think I need to go to hospital… There’s blood in my urine…”


	2. Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert meet with Hotten General's leading Consultant and the results are far from what they could have ever imagined.

_“I don't need to feel love, I just wanna feel something._   
_If it's never enough, at least it's better than nothing._   
_After everyone I've lost and every kiss, I wasted._   
_I don't, I don't need to feel love._   
_Just wanna feel something.”_

* * *

The steady beeps of the heart monitor broke the room of its silence, Aaron sat in the blue leather chair next to his husband who lay fast asleep in a hospital bed after being examined from top to bottom since first arriving less than a week before due to noticing blood in his urine. While most hospitals would ask you to go to your local GP for their opinion first, the hospital staff in Hotten General seemed quite concerned as Robert explained everything he had been progressively beginning to feel, none of it truly set into place with Aaron until actually hearing it all; abdominal pains, blood in his urine, becoming fatigued after tasks that usually never cause that sort of reaction, nausea and bloating- one symptom Aaron had told Robert it was probably due to the stress he had been under in recent months. But now, he was beginning to think about every little detail, he was beginning to blame himself; had his want for a baby overlooked every sign that his husband was ill. Whatever was wrong with Robert, could the doctors find it and make things better in time, or was it going to be too late? Yet again, was Aaron about to lose someone he loved? 

* * *

As Robert started to awake from his peaceful slumber, a doctor entered the room with the blonde’s hospital file in hand; greeting both men with a warm smile as she stood at the end of the bed. “Good morning Mr Sugden-Dingle, my name is Dr Hanley, I’m one of the lead Consultants at the hospital, Dr Noble has reviewed all of your test results and has requested me to step in and speak with you both; I am happy to tell you, that all the tests came back negative for cancer of any kind. But with that being said, we have run into a very mild- very unusual hurdle that I would like your permission to carry out an ultrasound to confirm.” Robert was relieved after finding out he was cancer free, but when Dr Hanley requested his permission to carry out what he hoped would be one final test, he grabbed Aaron’s hand and looked over at him, the brunette flashing a supportive smile as he kept hold of his hand, “it’s your call, I’ll support you no matter what.” 

With his husband’s words ringing in his head, Robert looked back at the doctor and nodded his head in agreement, “I- yeah, you have my permission.” He said softly, the doctor smiling back at him as she excused herself to get the equipment she needed; returning a few minutes later before pulling the curtains shut and closing the door, wheeling the machine to Robert’s bedside and removing the top half of his hospital gown to reveal his upper body. “Alright, so what I’m going to do is squeeze a little bit of gel onto your abdomen and glide the wand of the machine around your abdominal area and the picture should give me a better indication on what’s going on inside, okay?” The older male simply nodded in response, biting down nervously on his bottom lip as his eyes met Aaron’s, ‘I love you’ he mouthed to his husband, the brunette mouthing the words back to him with love in his eyes. 

Dr Hanley started the ultrasound and glided it around her patient’s abdomen. At first, there was nothing on the screen to show, but as she pressed down somewhat harder, she eventually found what she was looking for; inside Robert's abdomen where she was scanning showed two dark sacs. “Now, this may come to you as a shock and I do apologise for that, but I will go through everything once this is finished; Mr Sugden-Dingle, congratulations, from what I can see on the ultrasound, you’re at least four weeks pregnant with twins.” 

* * *

It was a sentence Robert never thought he would have a doctor tell him, especially considering he was a man. Aaron seemed just as confused by the news; for so long they had wanted to start a family together, but this was a scenario that they had never expected. “I- I don’t understand, how is this even possible? I’m a bloke, I was born a bloke.” Robert questioned as he sat with his husband in Dr Hanley’s office, still keeping a firm hold on Aaron’s hand as he kept his eyes on the doctor who sat at her desk. “It’s a very rare genetic disorder called Persistent Müllerian Duct Syndrome; it mostly affects the sexual development in males. Like males in your case, you have normal male reproductive organs and external male genitalia. However, in most cases of PMDS, most men only have a uterus and fallopian tubes, but you, on the other hand, have completely functioning female reproductive organs as well as the cervix, uterus and ovaries. Now, because of this, these reproductive organs need an outlet, and, in most women, we could consider this as a cloacal malformation; this usually means a woman is not born with a urethra, vagina or anus, instead, they are born with what could essentially be put down as having only one hole, in medical terms called a cloaca. Obviously because you’re a genetic male, you would not have a vagina, so instead, your body has formed a fistula- an abnormal connection between organs- and in turn, the uterus you were born with fused to your rectum. As you can imagine, if you have been having unprotected anal sex, you are at risk of becoming pregnant. Now, you do have a urethra, which is why you can urinate normally and from all the tests we’ve carried out, you are most definitely pregnant and your body is naturally providing the hormones needed for a healthy pregnancy, so with that being said, I’m confident that the blood in your urine is the result of a Urinary Tract Infection, which I will provide you antibiotics for. If you do not want to carry the pregnancy to term, we can offer you an abortion, but only under the agreement that you meet with a counsellor beforehand due to your circumstances. Do any of you have any questions?” 

Robert and Aaron looked at one another, both having so many questions running through their minds, but they both lacked the courage or words to voice them and the doctor understood, she gave both men a few minutes to let everything process while she got Robert’s prescription and discharge papers ready in the meantime. “I- what are the risks of taking the pregnancy to term?” The blonde finally asked, his husband lightly squeezing his hand in comfort as their eyes went back to the doctor. 

“As of right now, there are no noted risks and because your body has been providing the hormones needed, I’m confident that you could have a completely normal pregnancy. The main issue would be that if natural birth were to take place, there is a risk the babies could get an infection due to the anus not being the most sterile place for birthing. But with that being said, it’s not impossible and thanks to modern medicine the risks can be greatly minimized, as well as us being properly equipped with medication to treat your children for said risks to ensure they will be as healthy as possible.” 

“Right, look, I know this is probably something I shouldn’t be asking, but how is this going to work practically? Like, yeah, in theory, it sounds great and it’s a miracle, but could this have any implications on how we’re treated by medical staff. I don’t want to lose my husband and neither of us wants to lose these babies, but can you promise us that your medical team won’t throw snide remarks or weird looks during appointments? Right now, Robert is my concern, and I need to know this won’t leave a negative impact on his mental health.” Aaron spoke up, nervously chewing on his bottom lip as he sat himself up properly in his seat. 

“Mr Sugden-Dingle, I can assure you that I have personally picked out my medical team for this case with the best intentions for your family; my team have been informed about the circumstances and I can promise you that they are hardworking and compassionate people who want the best for you all. I can assure you that the medical team I have put in place will have no negative impact on how you are treated at appointments or make you feel mentally unstable. However, like any pregnancy, there is always the possibility of postpartum depression, but we have counsellors in place to help families through that time.” 

* * *

Walking back into The Mill seemed like something Robert and Aaron would never get to do again as a couple after the scare they had both received less than a week before, but after meeting with the consultant and finally getting the all-clear to go home, the couple finally felt like their luck was beginning to turn; that they could finally see a light at the end of the tunnel that always seemed so dark. 

“I love you Mr Sugden-Dingle, I hope you know that this doesn’t change anything about how I feel about you. You’re still my Robert.” Aaron said softly, looking up at his husband before kissing him tenderly. “I can’t believe we’re having two babies! I love you so much, Aaron, I don’t know what I would do without you. There’s nobody else I would rather go through all of this with.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Please feel free to send in your feedback!


	3. Close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert are anxious telling family members about their surprising news.

_“I waited so long to feel like I'm worthy._   
_Find someone who could rewrite the pages I'm turning._   
_I've grown with the pain and bathed in the lonely._   
_All I want in this moment is someone to hold me.”_

* * *

“Are you sure about telling Liv like this? She’s been through hell with Jacob recently, maybe we should hold off on the surprises?” Robert suggested, hands in his pockets as he walked through the village with Aaron, turning his head and looking at the younger male before softly shrugging his shoulders. “I just- is it not a bit much? Surprise! Robert’s a weirdo who can get knocked up, you’re going to be an auntie to twins, and we want you to come to the scan with us to find out the genders!” The older male imitated with a chuckle as Aaron playfully shoved him, “you’re lucky I love you, d’you that?” The brunette teased, looking back at his husband and smiling lovingly at him as he unlocked their front door and stepped inside with the shopping they had just got from David’s shop. “Liv! You home?!” He called out, frowning slightly when there was no response.

“Knowing Liv, she’s gone off somewhere with Gabby; it’s not a bad thing, though, she needs a break.” Robert spoke up as he shut the front door behind himself as he came inside, rolling his eyes as Aaron gave him a look to get him to sit down rather than exert himself by helping to put the shopping away. “Yes, boss,” the blonde sighed, dramatically sitting down on the sofa with his arms crossed against his chest as he pouted at the brunette. “I’ll make it up to you later, promise,’ Aaron assured with a wink, smirking as his husband simply rolled his eyes and nodded in agreement. “You’re 16 weeks with twins, yet you’re still managing to get away with covering up that precious bump of yours, whereas my mum, she was well showing by this point and that’s with one baby!” The younger male declared as he chuckled more to himself as he put the shopping away. “Yeah, but to be fair, you’d notice straight away once my shirt is off and I think Victoria is starting to catch on, she made a comment the other day saying how I should take up Ellis’s offer of working out because it’s normal for newlyweds to gain a few pounds and love handles. If she hadn’t said it so passingly, I probably would’ve taken offence.”

Although Robert had seemingly made light of his sister’s comments on his weight, Aaron couldn’t help but feel somewhat hurt and disappointed that their own family could say something like that- just because Robert seemed to have this big and bold exterior didn’t mean he was immune to comments on his appearance. Aaron had noticed the subtle things; Robert picking at his food, not allowing himself to divulge in a treat on the weekends like he, Aaron and Liv always did, looking at his body at every angle in the mirror and losing some of the confidence that he once had when it came to his bright coloured shirts. So instead of getting worked up about it, Aaron simply finished putting the shopping away and went to sit on the sofa beside his husband; wrapping his arms around him and kissing him tenderly on the lips. “My beautiful husband, you’re perfect and you’re pregnant, gaining weight means both you and those two little babies are healthy, Dr Hanley said it herself; if it wasn’t a positive sign, she would’ve told you, okay?” Robert nodded his head sadly, cuddling up to Aaron and holding onto him. “I love you, Aaron Sugden-Dingle.”

Aaron looked down at the older male and smiled, “I love you too, Robert Sugden-Dingle.”

* * *

After almost two hours of waiting, Liv finally arrived home, Aaron and Robert eagerly leaving their places on the sofa to greet her, “hey, we were starting to group people up for a search party. Take it you were with Gabby?” The brunette questioned his younger sister, Liv furrowing her eyebrows together in confusion as she nodded in response, “are you two feeling alright? You’re acting weirder than usual…” She stated, the two men looking at one another before looking back at the college student with sheepish smiles, “I- yeah, yeah, we’re fine. Actually, we were wondering if we could have a chat with you about something.” Aaron admitted, his younger sister nodding instantly before the three of them went to sit down together at the dining table.

“Right, this is going to come as a bit of a shock and that’s completely fine, we want you to be honest with us and don’t think you can’t say what you’re thinking because you don’t want to hurt our feelings.” Aaron started, biting down on his bottom lip as he looked over at Robert and then back at Liv as he let out a shaky breath, “Robert and I are expecting! But- uhm, it’s a bit complicated because it’s not through surrogacy or adoption; Robert is pregnant.” He admitted, clutching his husband’s hand under the table as his sister’s mouth fell open in shock as she stared at the two of them with a stunned expression written all over her face.

“I’ve got a really rare genetic disorder called Persistent Müllerian Duct Syndrome, it literally means that I was born as a bloke, I have everything a bloke would have, but I’ve got the reproductive organs of a woman… Uhm, you could kind of say where my ‘swimmers’ should be, it’s a dead end because rather than swimmers, I have eggs, like a woman, obviously. And as weird as it seems, so far everything is going really well, it’s twins and they are biologically both mine and Aaron’s.” Robert tried to explain, frowning slightly when he rambled on more than actually making sense and he couldn’t help but feel his heart sink when Liv stood up from with table without a word; his worst fears quickly fading away as the college student rushed over to her older brother and gave him a hug, quickly pulling away to do the same to him.

“Oh my God, that’s amazing! I can’t believe there’s going to be two new babies that are really yours- like, you literally get to experience something so many same-sex couples dream of; congratulations!” Liv gushed, giggling excitedly as she stood looking at her brother and brother-in-law. “Right, well now that we know you’re happy, which is brilliant! We were wondering if you wanted to come to our ultrasound with us? We’ve decided that if both babies are cooperating, we want to find out the genders.” Aaron asked, smiling brightly when Liv was quick to nod her head in response; the three of them quickly making their way upstairs so they could get ready for the hospital appointment.

The worst was over; Liv knew, and she was happy, she didn’t freak out or make a scene like both Aaron and Robert had been imagining. Instead, she reacted with pure love and happiness, she supported them and that was all they could have ever asked for. The next hurdle would be telling the rest of their family, but at least they had more optimism about the possible reactions.


	4. Concern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At their 16 week scan, Dr Hanley suggests a test that sends Aaron and Robert into panic mode.

_“I don't need to feel love, I just wanna feel something._  
_If it's never enough, at least it's better than nothing._  
_After everyone I've lost and every kiss I wasted._  
_I don't need to feel love._  
_Just wanna feel something.”_

* * *

Robert, Aaron and Liv arrived at the hospital with plenty of time to spare before their scheduled appointment, so they took their time finding a parking space and simply just strolled down to their designated unit; Aaron standing back with his sister as Robert went up to the front desk to check himself in. Once that was done, it was just a matter of sitting in the waiting room and doing exactly what the room was made for; waiting. A nurse called Robert in to carry out the basic tests such as his height, weight, take blood and check his blood pressure before once again requesting him to go back to the waiting room until the doctor called him in for his ultrasound. “Everything alright?” Aaron asked, watching as his husband walked back over to them and sat down, “yeah, all good; I put on another pound, but the nurse said it was good considering I hadn’t been putting any weight on before. She said Dr Hanley would probably mention it inside, but she was happy, so that was good enough for me.” The older male explained with a smile, Liv’s eyebrows furrowing slightly when she noticed her brother’s somewhat sad expression to what Robert had said. Why was he upset? She thought that would’ve been good news. 

“Sugden-Dingle!” Quickly broke the somewhat uncomfortable silence in the room, Aaron and Robert taking one another’s hand as they stood up and made their way into Dr Hanley’s office; Liv quickly following behind them and shutting the door behind herself. “Dr Hanley, this is my little sister, Liv, I hope you don’t mind us inviting her.” Aaron said with a small smile, the older woman smiling as she held her hand put for the college student to shake, “it’s no problem at all! It’s lovely to meet you, Liv. You must be very excited about becoming an aunt.” Liv smiled brightly and nodded at the doctor, quietly thanking her as she invited her to take a seat with Aaron. Dr Hanley gave Robert a moment to take his shirt off and get comfortable on the examination bed before dimming the lights and coming over and setting up the machine to carry out the ultrasound. “Have you decided if you’d like to know the genders of the twins if they decide to give us a proper look, or is it going to be a surprise?” The doctor asked, Aaron and Robert simply smiling at one another before looking back to the older woman. “We’d like to find out, please,’ Robert spoke up, Dr Hanley smiling warmly as she nodded in understand; squeezing some of the gel onto the blonde’s bump and gliding the scope over the growing mound as she watched the screen. “Okay, here’s twin A, from what it looks like, they’re having a little suck of their thumb; they don’t seem as active at the moment, but that’s perfectly normal, it’s very possible that they’re just having a little nap. Doing the ultrasound will more than likely wake them up, so we’ll just have a look at twin B and see what they’re up to!” Dr Hanley stated cheerfully as she moved the scope around and holding it in place on Robert’s bump once the second baby came into view. “And here is twin B, they also seem to just be very relaxed, which is good because hopefully, this will give us a clear view on the genders; now, from what I can see, each baby is in a separate placenta, which basically means they are not identical twins. But apart from that, they seem to be very cooperative today, so I think we should be able to get a clear image for a gender reveal.” The older woman explained, Aaron and Robert nodding as they listened, the brunette turning away for a moment to look over at Liv, smiling warmly at her as she took hold of his other hand and cuddled up to him. “So, twin A is…. A girl! And twin B- oh! They’ve decided to have a little move around, but from what I can see when they’re staying still, twin B is…. A boy! Two very clear images; congratulations, you’re welcoming a baby girl and a baby boy into your family.” 

Aaron and Liv’s eyes instantly filled with tears at the news, whereas Robert was just looking at the screen in awe; somewhat in disbelief that he was carrying his and Aaron’s son and daughter. But the tears soon started to drip down his face once the doctor let them hear both babies’ heartbeats. “Do you have a history of any disabilities or heart problems in either of your families?” The doctor asked, Aaron, scrunching his face in concern as he let go of Liv’s hand to scratch the back of his neck; something he always seemed to do when he was nervous. “Uhm, my little cousin was diagnosed with a hole in his heart when he was a few weeks old, uhm, my aunt’s mum suffers from Angina and I- I honestly have no idea if it goes any further back… Is something wrong?” The brunette asked, the doctor looking at both and biting down on her bottom lip as she replayed the recording she had taken of their baby boy’s heart. “Now, at this stage it’s not uncommon for the baby’s heart sound to seem muffled or somewhat lagged, but from what you’ve told me, I would like to book you in for a foetal echocardiogram, which is basically another ultrasound with a paediatric cardiologist who is specially trained in this form of test; it will give us a more in-depth look at the baby’s heart, as well as the chambers and the blood flow. As I said, it’s absolutely nothing to worry about, most people do have this examination done as standard practice, but because of what I’m hearing, I would like to get a second opinion from someone specially trained in cardiology if that’s okay with you both.” She asked, neither men speaking for a moment, “I- yeah, go ahead… whatever you think is best.” Robert spoke up, looking over at Aaron with a worried look, reassuringly giving his hand a squeeze. 

“Okay, now as I’ve said, it’s really just to ensure both you and your babies are getting the best care possible, please don’t let this worry you or stress you out. I will give you all a moment while I print off your ultrasound pictures and make the appointment for the foetal echocardiogram.” Robert simply just nodded in response, biting down on his bottom lip nervously as Dr Hanley left the room. He sat up on the bed and used the tissue provided to wipe the gel off his stomach, throwing it in the bin afterwards and then putting his shirt back on and buttoning it up. “it’s alright, no matter what this could turn out to be, we are still going to love these babies just as much as we do now.” Robert assured Aaron, nodding in response and smiling as he stood up and pulled Robert into his arms for a hug; lovingly kissing him on the lips and pulling back, never once letting go of the older male’s hand. “Exactly. No matter what, these babies will have whatever they need, and we will love them unconditionally. If our little boy has a heart condition it just means he’s that extra bit special and even if our baby girl is perfectly healthy or if it turns out she had a heart condition too, we will still love them the exact same way and we will never let them down. They’ll probably give us grey hair earlier than we’d like, but their ours and that’s all that matters.” Aaron said lovingly, looking at Liv and pulling her into his arms to give her a hug. 

“Aaron’s right, though, this doesn’t change anything; they’re my niece and nephew and I’ll love them to pieces no matter what. We’re a family, we look after our own and if it turns out there’s a heart problem with one or both of them, it just means we’ll have to do some extra learning along the way. Besides, neither Sugdens or Dingles come with return policies!”


	5. On Paper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert's appointment finally arrives and both he and Aaron discover the fate that may be in store for their unborn twins.

__

_“Just wanna feel something._  
_I don't wanna feel nothing._  
_Just wanna feel something.”_

* * *

Three weeks had passed since Aaron and Robert had been informed about the probability of one of their precious twins having a congenital heart condition, and God, the scenarios that ran through their minds was enough for them to want to run through the fog and never return to the reality which possibly faced them. The reality was that they could not run from the future that awaited them, and it was not because they had no choice, instead, it was because they could never abandon the babies that they already held so much love for in their hearts; every parent dreams of bringing their own picture-perfect child into the world and there were those who could easily abandon that defenceless human if they were born any less than that perfect image. Not Aaron and Robert, though. No; from having to face the agony of losing Seb when they found out he was biologically Ross Barton’s son, they never wanted to feel anything like that ever again. Apart from that, they both knew how it felt to be abandoned by their parents and the last thing they would ever want would be to become one of those people. Through hell or high water, they would love both of their precious twins with all their hearts equally and there was nothing that could ever change that. 

* * *

Aaron had been up since six o’clock that morning, he had been tossing and turning all night thinking about every possible outcome that they could be faced with at today’s ultrasound appointment. Everything was so focused on their unborn son, but what if they were hit with a double blow and found out that their unborn daughter was just as unwell? What if they found out they were going to lose their babies? No. They couldn’t. Aaron couldn’t go through that again. Not after Gracie. Aaron had never felt pain like that before and he never wanted to go through it again, he had seen what his mum and Paddy went through after losing Grace, and God, it’s not even worth thinking about. He wouldn’t wish that type of pain on anyone, yet, he couldn’t help but constantly wonder if he and Robert would have to face such tragedy?

But Aaron was quickly pulled from his whirlwind of thoughts as Robert came down the spiral staircase looking as beautiful as ever wearing his favourite blue shirt and dark denim jeans to match. The brunette couldn’t help but smile as he caught a glimpse of his husband’s growing baby bump underneath the fabric of his shirt; it wasn’t really noticeable, but Aaron knew it was there, so even the slightest tug of the material covering his husband’s body was enough to catch the younger male’s attention. “Morning,” Aaron spoke up sheepishly, frowning when Robert didn’t respond, “Robert, you alright?” He tried again, a breath of relief escaping past his lips when the blonde finally looked up at him and responded, “sorry, in a world of my own this morning… Yeah, I’m alright. You?” The older male asked, smiling softly as he made his way over to his husband, giving him a loving kiss on the lips before pulling away and boiling the kettle. “I’m alright, bricking it for this appointment. Sorry, doubt that’s what you want to talk about this early.” The brunette rambled, sighing as he rubbed his temples; looking down at the floor as he tried not to meet his husband’s gaze. Here he was feeling like the weight of the world was on his shoulders, when the reality was that Robert was probably going through so much more both physically and mentally. 

“No, Aaron, don’t be sorry. We promised to talk things through together and I won’t lie, I can’t help but feel like I’ve let you and these babies down, but I’m not going to just give up. Whatever we get told today, we’ll get through it together as a family.” Robert explained, reassuringly wrapping an arm around the younger male’s shoulders as he kept his eyes on him. It was only then that Aaron finally looked up to meet his husband’s eyes, cuddling up to him as he lightly pressed a kiss to his lips and ran his fingers through the other’s hair. “You could never let me down.” 

* * *

The drive to the hospital had been mostly quiet; the tension in the air could’ve been cut with a knife, but at the same time, it was tension neither Aaron nor Robert wanted to be broken. As the hospital came into view, Aaron glanced over at Robert; a sad smile gracing his lips as he turned away to look out the window, watching as new parents were being escorted by nurses as they prepared to bring their babies home, expecting parents entering the hospital hand in hand for their appointments, and children happily entering the hospital without a care in the world while their parents couldn’t help but still look so worried as they tried to act like everything was alright. Aaron couldn’t help but wonder which scenario they would be today and what scenario was awaiting them in the future. 

After finding a parking spot, finding where they needed to go after twenty minutes of confused wandering around and checking in, Aaron and Robert finally sat down in the waiting area; their fingers intertwined together as they anxiously waited for them to be called. “No matter what happens, we’ll get through this together, I promise,” Aaron whispered to Robert, smiling warmly as the older male nodded in response while also giving his hand a slight squeeze to let him know that he was listening. “I love you,” Robert whispered, biting down on his bottom lip as he looked down at the ground; he was so nervous, and all Aaron wanted to do was to take all of that anxiety away so he could just enjoy his pregnancy. The time seemed to pass so slowly, but eventually, a doctor came out of their office and called Robert’s name. This was it. They were about to find out what the future held in store for their babies and them. 

* * *

**Transposition of the Great Arteries;** a congenital heart defect which caused the aorta to be connected to the right ventricle, and the pulmonary artery to be connected to the left ventricle; the opposite of a normal heart's anatomy.

**Multiple Ventricle Septal Defects;** occurs when the muscular wall separating the heart into left and right sides fails to form fully between the lower chambers of the heart 

**Pulmonary Stenosis;** a condition characterized by obstruction to blood flow from the right ventricle to the pulmonary artery. This obstruction is caused by narrowing at one or more points from the right ventricle to the pulmonary artery. 

**Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension;** one form of a broader condition known as pulmonary hypertension, which means high blood pressure in the lungs.

* * *

_“You need to prepare yourselves for the worst, it’s unlikely your son will survive more than a few hours after he’s born. Your baby girl, on the other hand, she's perfectly healthy. I’m so sorry I couldn’t give you better news.”_


	6. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert finally feel like there may be some light at the end of the tunnel.

25 weeks. Their baby boy was one pound, 6 ounces and their baby girl was one pound nine ounces. Robert’s bump was yet to be noticed by anyone, even though Robert continued to complain that he was the size of a whale and couldn’t imagine getting any bigger. Their son’s diagnosis was hard to come to terms with, but Aaron and Robert decided to go forward with meeting with the leading cardiologist at the hospital to discuss just how cut and dry their outcome was and honestly, the meeting went better than they could have expected; the cardiologist was more than willing to take their baby boy under his wing for treatment when he was born and although each diagnosis had sounded so terrifying, that was only on paper; they had no idea how things would be once their son entered the world. It all sounded like such a fatal combination, but the cardiologist had hope and that was all Aaron and Robert needed to help them carry on as time passed and the due date of their twins came closer.

* * *

Through talking to both support systems offered by the hospital and to each other, Aaron and Robert finally felt like they were ready to tell their families about the newest additions of the Sugden-Dingle family. “Are you sure you don’t want me to talk to Diane and Vic for you? I know you’ve been off with them since they’ve made comments about your weight… I just- I don’t want them upsetting you and I know what they can be like in the heat of the moment.” Aaron spoke up as he made his way to The Woolpack with Robert hand in hand as they took their time and enjoyed their stroll together. Robert looked over at the brunette after he spoke up, unable to hide his smile as his husband started to show just how protective he was becoming as the pregnancy continued. “I appreciate that, but Vic has been through hell and back as well from everything Lee put her through, she’s 8 weeks along in her own pregnancy and Diane- well, Diane is Diane, but if they start making comments I know to talk to you about it and I’m pregnant, so I can lose it if I want at them and they just have to accept it- maybe I’ll even force out a few tears and make them feel guilty for body shaming me.” He teased, letting out a laugh as Aaron grinned up at him before playfully rolling his eyes at him. 

After their relaxing stroll to the pub, Aaron was quick to call everyone to the pub for a private meeting; Robert kept teasing him about being in a good mood for allowing Bear to tag along even though he still gets on Aaron’s nerves more than he would like to admit. “Love, what’s going on? Why have I had to close the pub for the afternoon?” Chas asked, her hands comfortingly placed on her heavily pregnant bump. Both males looked at one another and grinned, looking back at everyone who was waiting on them to say something. “Come on then, we haven’t got all flipping day!” Cain exclaimed, unable to hide his cocky smirk as Moira lightly slapped him on the arm and told him to behave. “Right, okay, the reason Robert and I have asked you all to meet us is because we’ve got some news; the Sugden-Dingle family is going to become a little bigger because Robert and I are expecting… Twins! Robert is pregnant!” 

The room went completely silent; everyone was staring at the two men with wide eyes and mouths fallen open from shock. This was not what Aaron and Robert had been expecting. Not even close. “Well, at least now we know who’s the woman in the relationship!” Bear spoke up through his laughing as all eyes suddenly turned to him. “What did you just say?!” Aaron shouted, seeing red as Robert quickly grabbed him by the arm in the hopes of stopping him from doing anything stupid. “Say anything like that again and you’ll be sorry, d’you hear me?!” The brunette shouted, glaring as Bear stood up and gave Aaron a look. “I’d watch my mouth if I were you, son. The last thing you want is to break a nail on one of those delicate hands of yours.” The older man mocked, Chas turning to glare at the brute that was enjoying playing on her son’s feelings. “Right, you know what, get out of my pub! Get out of this village and don’t you ever come back! My Aaron is twice the man you could ever be. I’d go get my head tested if I were you, mate. We’re not in the ’50s anymore, bigots like you can’t get away with your foul homophobia anymore.” The woman spoke up, never taking her eyes off Bear until he left the pub and it was clear he wasn’t coming back. 

“Right! Where were we?” Chas asked, “your Aaron just told us Mr. Shifty is pregnant,” Cain spoke up, taking a sip of his pint as Moira gave him another look of slight disapproval. “Look, I know it’s a bit of a shock and I know we probably should’ve told you all sooner, but it never seemed like the right time… The past couple of weeks haven’t been the easiest, but we’re finally starting to find the positives again and I just- we couldn’t hide it anymore.” Aaron admitted, smiling softly as he looked over at Robert, taking the older male’s hand in his own and giving it a reassuring squeeze. 

“After everything with Lisa as well as with Vic, it just never seemed like the right time to really talk to you all about everything. But the main reason that we’ve kept everything from you is because, one of the babies was diagnosed with a variety of heart defects and when we first sound out, we were told to prepare for the worst, so Aaron and I just wanted to go through that process alone. Liv knew, of course, because she lives with us and she’s the only one that really saw everything behind the closed doors. Anyway, not too long ago, Aaron and I met with the leading cardiologist and he was really optimistic about everything, especially because our most recent ultrasound has shown that the baby is a fighter just like their sister, who is perfectly healthy. Oh! That’s right, we’re having a boy and a girl!” Robert finally spoke up, Aaron watching his husband with pure pride as he thought about how far he had come over the past couple of months. It was so hard to think that there was a point where Robert rarely wanted to leave the house to now be able to stand up in front of all the Dingles and his own family and proudly announce that he was pregnant. Even after Bear had tried to tear them down, Robert was still standing strong and Aaron couldn’t have been prouder of his husband. 

“You know what, I think it’s only fair to say that even though we’re all still a bit confused about how Shifty’s body managed to pull this off, we’re happy for you, kid.” Cain spoke up, standing up with a smile before stepping forward to give his nephew a warm embrace as he congratulated him, everyone else quick to follow suit and congratulate the pair. And although everyone on Aaron’s side of the family was happy and excited about the news, Robert couldn’t help but feel so deflated as he caught a glimpse of Victoria and Diane storm out of the pub, both of them looking far from impressed. 

Aaron caught sight of Diane and Victoria storming out, and God, he was so angry and upset for his husband. They were the only remaining blood relations Robert had in the Village and they do that to him? He was furious, but he wasn’t about to dampen the mood, not when his mum and Paddy were finally getting to have a moment where everything was good, and reality didn’t matter. Walking over to the older male, Aaron pulled his husband in for a hug and just held him for a moment as he rubbed soothing circles over his back. 

“Don’t worry. We’ll sort it. Don’t let it get to you, _**I’ll**_ fix this. I promise...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! Please leave me some feedback and let me know what you think so far! xx


	7. Breakfast Disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron invites Victoria and Diane over to try to talk to them about why they left so abruptly during his and Robert's pregnancy announcement, but as tensions rise, things quickly turn disastrous.

Ever since the announcement of their twins joining their family in just a few months to come, Aaron hadn’t been able to sleep. Not because he had regrets or because he feared something would go wrong, but because he could only stand and watch as his husband’s heart broke; Victoria and Diane were practically the only family Robert had left and to think they would just walk out on him like that boiled Aaron’s blood and devastated him all at the same time. Robert had been quiet since they left and Aaron couldn’t blame him, if it were his mum and Liv that had left, he would be just as devastated. He had spent the night dwelling on the possible reasons as to why the two Sugdens would leave, but no excuse was good enough; at least, not in Aaron’s eyes.

Robert had been up most of the night getting sick and of course, Aaron was right by his husband’s side, knelt down on the bathroom floor, rubbing his back and whispering sweet nothings in the older man’s ear, reminding him how it would all be worth it once it was time for their babies to be born. Although he was just as tired as Robert, Aaron still got up early the next morning, he had called Diane and persuaded her and Victoria to come over for breakfast so they could try work out what led to them reacting the way they did the night before. The brunette convinced his husband to stay in bed a little later in the hopes of him feeling better later, and as much as Robert tried to tell the younger male he wasn’t tired, he eventually admitted defeat less than five minutes later; by the time Aaron came out of the bathroom after brushing his teeth and having a quick shave, the blonde was peacefully back in a slumber. “Hm, sleep tight, my gorgeous husband,” Aaron whispered, smiling softly as he leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss on the freckled male’s temple before quietly leaving the bedroom and shutting the door behind him so Robert could sleep without any disruption. 

* * *

Diane and Victoria arrived at the Mill right on time and by the glare, Aaron greeted them both at the front door, they knew they had some serious explaining to do. Aaron was doing everything in his power to not just lose his head and start ranting like a mad man, so instead, he grumbled at them to take a seat at the kitchen table while he plated up their breakfast- ever since he had found out Robert was pregnant, he was really trying to put in an effort with taking on the responsibility of cooking, cleaning and ironing and honestly, he had come a long way. Well, with the cooking, at least. His other housekeeping skills were debatable. “Right, here you go, a full English breakfast as promised. Enjoy,” Aaron said as he set each plate down on the table, forcing out a smile as Diane gave him a questionable look as he took a seat at the table. “Will Robert not be joining us?” The older woman asked, the younger male frowning as he looked to meet her gaze, shaking his head, “no, he won’t. He was up half the night throwing up so I told him to have a lie in, and after the way you two stuck your noses up at us yesterday and left, I think it’s safe to say you’re not exactly in his good books.” Aaron stated, rolling his eyes in frustration as he picked up his cutlery and started to eat his breakfast. 

“Oh, Aaron, grow up. It’s not all about you and Robert, y’know! If Robert wants answers, he should grow a pair and sort it out with us himself instead of sending you in like an overprotective guard dog!” Victoria lashed out, slamming her knife and fork down as she stood up; glaring down at Aaron like it was him in the wrong. “You want me to ask instead? Fine. I want answers, Vic.” Robert’s voice suddenly broke the tense silence, all three at the table looking back at the spiral staircase; Robert was stood on the second last step wearing one of Aaron’s baggy white t-shirts and a pair of navy sweatpants. It was clear by the dishevelled appearance that he was exhausted, but he had that stern look on his face which made it clear that he wasn’t going to let things go until they had everything sorted out. “Why did you walk out yesterday? You never even said goodbye. Why would you do that?” The blonde asked, getting down the final two steps on the stairs and making his way over to stand beside his husband. “Love, after everything with Lee’s family hassling Victoria, I just didn’t want her to be on her own,” Diane explained, Aaron and Robert both turning their attention to the older woman and nodding in understanding. “Diane, that’s fine, I know you wouldn’t just leave without saying anything without a reason, I won’t lie, it hurt that you did just walk out, but I know where you’re coming from.” 

The grey-haired woman smiled warmly as she stood up and walked around to her step-son, her eyes filling with tears as they both opened their arms to give one another a loving embrace. “Oh, Robert, I’m so happy for you both and I’m so sorry for upsetting you. Your mum would be so proud of you, I know she would… And your dad, I know he was a bit headstrong, but he would be just as happy for you.” She assured, Robert hugging her a little tighter as he shut his eyes and held back his tears, “you have no idea how much I’ve wanted to hear you say that…” 

The tender moment between Robert and Diane even had Aaron wiping stray tears away, but Victoria just stood there rolling her eyes while the dirty look in her eyes remained in the direction of her older brother. “Right, as touching as this is, we still need to have a serious conversation.” Victoria spoke up, Robert and Diane both breaking away from one another’s hug as they turned their attention to the youngest Sugden, “Vic, just tell me what’s going on, I don’t get it,” Robert admitted, his sister once again rolling her eyes as she stepped closer to her brother and looked up at him. “Seriously? You were around 8 or 9 weeks pregnant when I found out I was carrying Lee’s baby and you were trying to talk me into getting an abortion, yet at the same time, you were all nice and cosy back here with Aaron looking forward to your future with your own family! You were hell bent on me getting rid of my baby and you didn’t even bother to try to think about how I would feel further on watching you and Aaron live your perfect life and enjoying your own pregnancy? You’re selfish, Robert, and I’m sick of it! How about for once in your life you just admit you were in the wrong and take responsibility for your actions!” Victoria lashed out, running her fingers through her tight brunette hair as she turned away from her brother. 

Robert’s facial expression was completely blank, his skin had become pale and it seemed like he was beginning to either tremble or shiver, “Rob, you alright?” Aaron asked, stepping closer to the older male as he blinked before slowly nodding his head. “Vic… Vic, I- please just-“ He mumbled, shakily stepping towards his sister, the shorter female turning around and pushing him harsher than she meant to. “Just get off me!” She screamed, watching on in horror as Robert’s legs went from beneath him and he fell to the ground, Aaron catching him in his arms before he could hit the ground and possibly hurt himself. “Robert! Rob, hey, hey, look at me!” The younger male pleaded, the blonde’s eyes closing as he went unconscious; his body completely limp in his husband’s arms. 

“Robert?! Don’t just stand there, call for an ambulance!” Aaron shouted at Diane and Victoria in a panic, pulling Robert into him and just holding him as he rocked back and forth, silently begging the older male to open his eyes and tell him he was okay. Looking over at Victoria, Aaron glared at her as tears fell from his eyes, “if anything happens to Robert or our babies, I’ll never forgive you…” He warned, causing her to turn away in shame as she put her hands over her mouth and started to cry. 

“Ambulance will be here in five minutes…” Diane spoke out, looking from Aaron to Victoria, torn between who she needed to go to the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was quite an intense chapter, but I promise things will start to look up soon. Please be sure to send me some feedback and tell me what you're thinking so far. But also, send in some baby names!


	8. Morning Sickness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert's mental health is questioned until a 24-hour observation in hospital proves otherwise.

_“Exhaustion. His body is completely run down and as much as I wish I were wrong; I don’t think he’s eating the way he’s supposed to be, he’s losing weight rather than gaining and at this stage of his pregnancy, it’s not healthy for him or your twins. Mr Sugden-Dingle, your children are dependent on him and with your little boy having such a complex heart condition, it’s essential that your husband starts to take care of himself. I’m still waiting on a few more results, so, for now, I’ll leave you in peace. When your husband wakes up, I’ll come by to speak with you both.”_

* * *

Aaron wasn’t angry over what Dr Hanley had told him, if anything, he was disappointed in himself for not picking up on Robert’s declining mental health sooner; since his bump had started growing and before anyone knew he was pregnant, people were always commenting on how he was gaining weight- even Victoria had come over and suggested he try a new diet to try to get his body back on the right track. Robert had opened up to him just once about how the comments had been getting to him, but since then, everything seemed fine. Robert seemed fine and Aaron stopped sitting with his husband to make sure he was eating properly. But at the same time, Aaron didn’t want to believe Robert was doing that to himself, was compromising not only his own health but the health of their twins, especially when one of them was already so poorly. “We can get through this; I know we can. I’m so sorry for just assuming you were alright, but I need you to wake up now… I’m angry or disappointed because I know what it’s like when your head messes with you, I know how it feels to not like how you look. Please, Rob, just open your eyes. I love you; we can get through this, I promise. You’ve got me for life.” 

Sitting back and sinking into his chair, Aaron let out a sigh as he tried to remain optimistic, but he was so worried about Robert. But just as the brunette started to dwell into a whirlwind of thought, Robert started to open his eyes, scanning the room for a moment before turning his head to look at the younger male. “Wha- what happened?” He asked almost in a whisper, his voice was so gentle and God, it makes him seem even more fragile, but Aaron was just so happy to hear his voice again. “Hey,” Aaron started, a sad smile crossing his lips as he sat forward and took Robert’s hand in his own, “you fainted this morning when Vic was having a go, remember? You’re in hospital…” The brunette explained, frowning slightly, but making sure the older male didn’t see him do so. “You had me terrified, how are you feeling?” He asked, the blonde frowning as he gave the younger man’s hand a light squeeze, “I’m so sorry Aaron…” He started, Aaron quickly stopping him in his tracks, “no, don’t be sorry… I should’ve seen this coming, I just- I don’t know, everything’s been so hectic.” 

Robert shook his head in response, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion as the brunette rambled on with an apology that he didn’t need to make, none of this was his fault, but when his husband explained what the doctor had told him, it all started to click into place. “Aaron, I- I swear I’ve been trying, I really have… I just- I feel so sick all the time, I thought it would pass but it never does, and I hate worrying you over some stupid morning sickness. Look at me,” the freckled male said softly, Aaron’s eyes locking with Robert’s as he continued to speak, “I promise I haven’t been intentionally not eating or been trying to lose weight, I know our twins are counting on me to stay healthy for them… Please, Aaron, this is the last thing I would want to happen.” He explained, the younger male smiling softly at him as he nodded in agreement; he could see the sincerity in Robert’s eyes, it was the one feature that Aaron loved about the older male, it showed a side of Robert that only he could see and that was what made their relationship so special. “Don’t worry, I believe you. When Dr Hanley comes in, you need to tell her you’re still getting sick a lot… It’ll only get worse if you keep quiet. Besides, the only time I want to be in this hospital with you is the day our babies decide to join us out here.” He said sweetly, standing up slightly as he leaned closer to the blonde, both men smiling at one another as they leaned in to meet halfway for a loving kiss. 

* * *

Dr Hanley had been sceptical about Robert’s reasoning for being so underweight and exhausted, but with him having to stay overnight for precautionary observation, both the nurses on duty and Aaron were able to confirm that Robert had in fact been getting sick throughout the night and by the morning he was out like a light. His throat was raw red when she checked it, and that was the final confirmation she needed to make a confident diagnosis. Hyperemesis Gravidarum – basically, a big, fancy name for severe morning sickness. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much that could be done to relieve Robert from his morning sick other than trying to eat dry crackers or a bland diet and if that didn’t work, Dr Hanley could only really offer him some vitamin and nutritional supplements and if things were to get any worse, it would more than likely lead to Robert having to be admitted to hospital and being put on IV Fluids until the twins were born. 

“Here is a list of everything I would recommend trying before going to your GP for IV intervention, but luckily now that your 24 hour observation is over and I am quite confident that you and your babies are well enough to return home, I would just like to apologize for assuming you weren’t looking after yourself, hopefully, I won’t be seeing you two back in the hospital until your next ultrasound appointment.” Dr Hanley said with a warm smile, handing the required paperwork to Robert before signing his discharge papers. “Take care, gentlemen.” 

As the doctor walked away, the two men looked at one another and smiled, turning towards the exit and leaving together hand-in-hand. 

* * *

“Liv is staying over with Belle to give us some space, but, I couldn’t talk one person from seeing you…” Aaron trailed as they entered Mill Cottage, Robert’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion before quickly being raised in surprise at the person stood inside waiting for them; Victoria. “Vic…” The younger girl smiled sadly as she quietly walked over to Robert, wrapping her arms around him and sniffling as she buried her head in his chest, Robert instantly wrapping his arms around her protectively. “Robert, I’m so sorry for how I acted yesterday and at your pregnancy announcement; I’ve been so wrapped up in trying to find anything else to blame for being so emotional, I ended up almost losing you- before you say anything, I know that’s dramatic, I just- Robert, you weren’t well and usually I notice straight away, but I didn’t, I just kept lashing out and I’m so sorry.” She rambled, the older male gently shushing her as he just held her closer. “It’s alright, I promise… I’m sorry too, I should’ve told you, I need to take off the baby gloves and treat you like your age, you’re amazing Vic, I just- I thought I would make things worse if I told you, because out of the two of us, it’s you who deserves the happy ending. I love you, you’re my little sister and all I’ve been trying to do is protect you, but I’ve been building a divide with you and I’m so sorry.” 

“You can be a right idiot sometimes, but you’re my brother, Robert, and I wouldn’t trade you for anyone else.” Victoria promised, smiling as she met Aaron’s eye and he assuredly winked at her to let her know everything would start to go up from here. “I love you too, Vic, I don’t know how I got lucky enough to have you for my sister. No more secrets, I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to leave your feedback! I promise to post the next chapter as soon as possible! xx


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